Monday, May 16, 2011

Dear Roma: An open letter to a postpartum pet

by Stephen Vernon

Dear Roma,

First, let me thank you for three years of service to our small but loving family. We really enjoy your unconditional love, companionship, warmth on cold winter nights and even playing fetch with your favorite toys. We’ll never forget the day we picked you up at the shelter. You were barely over 7 pounds, had the sweetest little eyes, and your soft tortie coat was puffed to perfection. Yes, it has been a good run. Allow me to now apologize for picking you up and and dropping you off in the corner of the yard after major snowstorms to “see if your primal wild animal instincts would lead you back to the house”. Your superior athleticism, tufted toes and uncanny ability to find a warm place to nap allowed you to conquer any snow drifts in your way. That said, we regret to inform you that you have been demoted to a lower status in the household, effective immediately.

Yes, I know, this seems sudden and unfair. You may point to the fact that you still sleep at the foot of our bed every night, and we occasionally brush your coat. That level of mediocre care will continue. Rest assured, your basic needs will be met: We will feed you, clean out your litter box and occasionally let you snuggle in our laps (only when suitable to my schedule and in seasonably cool weather). Going forward, please do not expect the same level of care or attention you once enjoyed. What I’m really trying to say is that we still love you...just a lot less. My son, the new CEO, has arrived and unfortunately there’s not room at the top for both of you.

Warm Regards,

The tall one in the house
Mason and Roma co-habitating